Fighting the Demons I Have Created

For the past year my life has been a roller-coaster. I can see that now, About 4 or 5 months ago I thought my life was falling apart. I was tired of fighting and literally ready to throw in the towel, but then I looked into my son's eyes and saw a love so pure it was worth fighting for! I realized that I needed help a help my family and friends couldnt provide and I just wasnt equipt to take on the task of putting myself together piece by piece. I went to a professional. February 1st I saw a Therapist and It was an eye-opener. I had already set a goal for myself even before seeing Dr. Miller, I wanted to change my life. I was unhappy, well lets be real... I was miserable with a capital M!! And I found myself wondering why I was so miserable. I realized I had to love myself, be happy with myself and get control of my emotions before I could even begin working on my marriage! Thats when Dr. Miller came in.... My first session I was a total mess! I sobbed like I had never sobbed before. We talked about my childhood and how it plays a huge part in who I am today. My major issue was that I didnt feel like I was getting the affection and love I needed from my husband. Turns out Ive been dying for attention my whole life and as a kid I kept it inside and never spoke my mind about how I was feeling, Today I continue to stay quiet and thats my problem! I expected and assumed my husband knew what i needed and when i didnt get it I assumed he didnt love me! Now I have learned that HE CANT READ MY MIND!!! Duh!! I assumed it was his fault that i was depressed and miserable and i never thought I was why I was Miserable!! I learned to communicate what I am thinking without fear of what his response will be... I have seen the light! In as little as 3 sessions I now have the ability to love myself and be happy with who i am and not have to worry about pleasing everyone. My marriage has transformed into a loving sharing commited love... I remind him to hold my hand and that i need a kiss every now and then, that I love him and need him and he returns the love to me. Now i know he will support me in anything i do and i know that if needed he would be willing to go talk to someone together and maybe our love can continue to grow and flourish the way it has so far! I am still fighting the old habits of staying quiet but its easier to communicate what i'm feeling now that i know my love will always be there to listen!